


No Hair, Don't Care

by thebrightestbird



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Finally, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, X-Men: Apocalypse Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7085062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebrightestbird/pseuds/thebrightestbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>“Are you wearing a hairpiece?”</em>
</p><p><em>“What? No. Of course not.”</em>
</p><p>Post-XMA crack and fluff about Charles and Erik getting together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Hair, Don't Care

There’s a knock on his office door, and he knows without having to ask that it’s Erik on the other side. He is a mind reader after all.

That and Erik had called earlier asking if he could come by.

He didn’t explain why he was coming by after five years of not seeing each other. There have been letters though. A rare phone call here and there.

They have an accord of sorts. Perhaps they thought meeting face to face would somehow ruin it.

This leaves Charles in a panic at how to present himself to Erik because Charles is still prideful and arrogant enough to want to impress him.

Panic leads to dwelling on things he hasn’t quite bothered with for a while. Mainly, his bald head.

Logically, Charles knows Erik’s seen him this way. It won’t be a shock to him. But, again, he’s panicking. Smart decisions were not going to be made.

His mistake is made abundantly clear when after Erik enters and sees Charles, he quietly moves to sit in front of Charles and doesn’t bother with pleasantries. He doesn’t even bother with anger, which Charles might have actually preferred upon hearing the first sentence that comes out of Erik’s mouth (the first sentence directed at Charles’ face after five years of absence, Charles might add).

“Are you wearing a hairpiece?”

“What? No. Of course not.”

Erik ignores the blatant lie. “Do you normally wear a hairpiece?”

Charles looks up and away. “I, um, no. This is new.”

“Your hair still hasn’t grown back?”

Charles huffs in frustration. “No, damn it. It won’t ever grow back.”

“Why?”

“Apparently, all the hair follicles are just gone.”

“Gone? Really?”

“Yesss.” Charles slumps in his chair.

“I had thought perhaps you lost your hair because of the extreme stress of what Apocalypse was doing. But to eliminate your follicles … “ Erik trails off, lost in the sheer weirdness.

“It’s a preposterous side-effect. Believe me, I know.”

“How did you manage to keep your eyebrows?”

Charles sort of shrugs. He never thought about it.

“Actually,” Erik continues, “how did you keep any of your body hair? Are you … hairless anywhere else?”

Charles rolls his eyes. “Okay, Erik. That’s enough dwelling on what could have happened. I mean, if Apocalypse had managed to complete the transference, I would have bigger problems than being bald everywhere. Like being a megalomaniacal god-wannabe. Can you imagine me looking like Apocalypse at my slightly-below-average height and trying to conquer the world? No one would take me seriously.”

Erik just stares in response.

And lifts an eyebrow.

God, Charles endures so much because of this man. “No, Erik,” he finally answers. “I still have hair in all the places hair has been since puberty.”

Erik leans back, apparently satisfied with the answer.

Charles thinks the conversation about his follicular challenges is finally over, and he can learn why Erik is here, but …

“Why the hairpiece? You said it was new, so I can only assume you haven’t been wearing one all the years since you lost your hair.”

“I wanted to try a new look?” Charles answers, unconvincingly. All right, fine. He’ll just explain it away with outrage. “Curse the ‘80s! Why should people with hair be the only ones who can have a style?”

“Well, there are hats,” Erik offers not-so-helpfully.

Oh, Charles has been waiting for this opening. “Or helmets, in your case.”

Erik lets the sting of the comment show. “Not today, Charles. Actually, not since that day in Cairo.”

Charles knows. It was a slightly weak jab given what Erik’s been up to these days. He’s been … good, for lack of a better word.

“How’s the Brotherhood?” The Brotherhood of Mutants, a training ground for mutants of all ages to fully explore their gifts. Sure, there was Charles’ school, but in hindsight, calling it the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters narrowed the age of potential students. Erik wanted to have a place for late bloomers or those mutants who have been troubled into adulthood.

“It’s doing well. Truly, my students are finally getting the help they’ve longed for. And Mystique’s help has been invaluable.”

Raven works part time between the two schools when she’s not off on missions of her own. There are no questions of loyalty anymore. She simply has a big heart and goes where she feels she is needed. And if her work at the Brotherhood also provides Charles some behind-the-scenes information on Erik, well, all the better.

“How’s the effort to get more women and nonbinary students?”

“Again, Raven’s been invaluable on that front. I’m still kicking myself over the situation.”

“That’s what you get for not adopting a more gender-neutral name for your school.”

“I know, Charles. Believe me, I know. But I’ve had the name trademarked for _decades_ , and the sign and business cards were the first things I made when forming the academy.”

It’s Charles’ turn to be incredulous. “Oh, dear,” he starts, dryly. “Yes, truly, those are insurmountable obstacles.”

Erik looks irritated. “Do you know how much custom-made signs cost, Mr. Old Money Trust Fund?”

“Is that why you’re here? Do you need a loan?”

“What?!” Erik is appalled. “No, of course not. My word, I’ve been away from you too long if that’s how much your confidence in me has degraded.”

That’s it. Charles has had enough of Erik’s bluster for a lifetime to let it go any further at this moment, almost five years since last seeing him. “Erik, come off it. Why are you here? I welcome you. I am so glad you are here, but I need to know the real reason why.” Charles takes a breath. “Why?” he asks again. “Why now?”

Erik takes in a steadying breath of his own. He takes one of Charles’ hands and wraps it with his hands. “Now that we are truly on the same path, now that I can fully embrace peace as a foreseeable option, and I have properly mourned the loss of my family, I think now is finally the time for us to be together.”

And there it is, the reason Charles had been hoping for. After everything they endured, Charles couldn’t help but believe that someday they would come full circle, and like Erik had said, their paths would be aligned once more. “Old friend, I do believe you’re right. For once.” Charles couldn’t help himself with that last part.

Erik releases a nervous laugh. He hasn’t smiled so broadly and genuinely for as long as he can remember. He goes to kiss this wonderful, frustrating, challenging man, the first to ever touch his mind and his heart, when he stops suddenly.

Charles looks at him with concern and nervousness. “Is something wrong?”

“Charles, I must ask something first before we go any further. This is going to be difficult for you, but you must understand, it is not negotiable for me.”

Charles can’t imagine what the condition could be. Haven’t they conquered their differences? What stands in their way now?

“I need you, my dear Charles,” Erik begins, clutching his hand more tightly, looking serious, “to take that ridiculous mop off the top of your head and burn it. Get that fire manipulator in the hall I saw, Pyro, I think, and have him use the full strength of his gift to turn it to ash.”

In all of the years Charles has been discovering mutants, he’s never been jealous or desired any of the other powers and abilities he knows are possible. Being a mind-reader is quite enough, thank you very much. But at this moment, Charles really wishes he had Jean’s abilities because he really needs to fling the gorgeous yet petulant man in front him right out of the window. There are even thorny rose bushes beneath. The punishment would be absolutely glorious and perfect.

“Let’s just go back to hating each other,” Charles finally says, but as soon as he does, someone opens the door.

Charles relishes the look of shock on Erik’s face because it’s Pyro. “Professor?” he warily asks. “You mind-summoned me?”

“Yes, John, please, if you would take this,” Charles takes off the hairpiece and throws it at the unsuspecting teenager, “and burn it to ash please. There’s a good chap.”

Equally enjoyable is the look of horror on John’s face when he registers what he’s caught. “Ohhkay, Professor. No problem. I’m not even going to ask why all of the sudden you have this, and I’m going to go to the furthest, most opposite place of here and do just that. Right away.”

Once Pyro leaves, Erik looks back at Charles warily. Charles shrugs. “I’m just fulfilling your condition. It’s a sign of my commitment to our new start together.”

“Right, of course. I forgot how much you like a good game of one-upmanship as much as you like chess. You’re truly formidable.”

“Yes, I am.” Charles then takes the opportunity to grab Erik and kiss him like they should have been doing all along. From the moment Erik stepped into his office today. From the moment Erik helped take down Apocalypse. From the moment Erik was freed from prison. From the moment they sat at their most wounded and vulnerable on a beach, and from the moment they first met in icy, dark waters.

They kiss, and they reclaim all of those moments, the moments that should have belonged to them all along.

-|-|-

“Erik?” Charles ventures after they break apart and regain some breath.

“Yes?”

“I have a condition of my own.”

Charles can read the worry on Erik’s mind, but the man is willing to do whatever to be with Charles.

“What is it?”

“That you forgive me for what I’m about to do.”

Charles puts his fingers to his temple and then shouts, more as a courtesy and warning to Erik than out of any real need for what he’s going to do.

“JEAN, LET GOOOO!!! UNLEASH YOUR POWER!!!!”

Erik is promptly flung out the window directly onto the lovely, thorny rose bushes below.

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> I really loved X-Men: Apocalypse. Hope I'm not alone.


End file.
